


INTRASPECT

by january (seulpd)



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Blood, Blood and Gore, Character Death, Murder, Organized Crime, Partial Nudity, Psychological Horror, Suicide Attempt, Thriller
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:07:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27937762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seulpd/pseuds/january
Summary: I'd be lying if I said my heart wasn't pounding. I feel nervous. I've never felt this scared of anything in my life.Or…Was it thrill?
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	INTRASPECT

**Author's Note:**

> TW + CW // frequent mentions of psychopathy, lacerations, violence, and everything on the tags
> 
> Reader discretion is adviced.

**December 01** 10:30 AM

"Jinsol, make sure you come home before 8:00 PM." My mother would remind me — command, rather — while our family was having breakfast.  
I watched as she placed platters of different viands atop the table, while my father would read the newspaper across me. His half filled cup of coffee had surely gotten cold, steam gradually disappearing.  
My mother quickly went back to the kitchen to attend to the omelette she was currently frying.  
The radio in the kitchen was turned on. My mother always preferred having her small radio with her than turn the television on; she said at least she could bring it anywhere with her and catch up with the news anytime, and she didn't have to bother looking up the text on the screen.  
I can faintly hear a reporter talk about a murder that took place fairly near my school. They were also linking this case to the recent issue raising concern among people in the city.  
A psychopath was going around the city, murdering people from ages 18 to 23. So far, the victims found were all female.  
It was also, definitely, the reason my mother wants me to come home early. Aside from the fact that I fit the psychopath's victim criteria, it's worth mentioning that the psychopath commits their crime from 9:00 PM to 2:00 AM, and I usually go home at 10:00 PM.  
"You don't have to worry about me, mom." I say, when my mother finally came back to serve us with the omelette. "I have friends who can keep me safe and escort me home."  
She sits down and places her small radio beside her glass of water, nodding to me and dad to cue that we can already eat.  
I stare at the amount of food on the table. A platter of fried fishes, a bowl of kimchi, a pot of budae jjigae, a plate with omelette, sauteed vegetables, and rice that can serve four people.  
My father would say the reason we do this was to serve any person who would come visit. It was best if we were prepared to serve anyone who comes here.  
So every time I grow conscious of how much food is served for the three of us, I automatically glance over the empty seat beside me.  
We never admit this, but we do wish someone would come here and join in on us soon.

\---

"Wow, Chaewon. It's surprising you aren't late today."  
Son Hyejoo, my classmate and loyal project partner, watched me as I approached her. She waited for me at the gazebo where we usually meet up before classes.  
I never once felt sorry for making her wait too long. The greatest thing about being an art major in school was that everyone's just friendly with fellow art students.  
It first started with how art students cramming at gazebos would borrow and exchange art materials from each other. Eventually, we all became connected somehow like a big web of art students.  
Seniors and upper class men weren't too intimidating to the lower batches. Even Hyejoo can freely talk about anything to this specific upper class man, Jeon Heejin.  
"What's surprising is how you didn't tell me today that she texted you not to wait anymore." Heejin snickers. "I can't believe you still go to school after all your absences."  
"It's my presence that counts, I'm just super late most times." I excused. "How's everyone's morning?"  
Hyejoo raises up her phone screen to let me read the headline she was reading. According to the first paragraph, it was someone studying here.  
It seemed like it was her topic with Heejin as the older girl did her plate.  
"Ah, that one."  
About the serial killer, _again_.  
"Are you scared?" I asked Hyejoo.  
"I doubt the killer would ever come for Hyejoo." Heejin quickly answers. "She just has this aura that scares everyone away."  
"Well, what if the killer was someone close to her? What would that aura do for her, then?" I asked. Heejin's idea was plausible, though. I think any killer would avoid Hyejoo.  
"I doubt. I have a few close people to me, namely Chaewon and Heejin. And they're a Scorpio and Libra respectively." Hyejoo answers. "I read somewhere that most serial killers and potential people who could become one had Pisces, Sagittarius, Virgo, or Gemini as their sun signs."  
Heejin laughs. "You believe that?"  
"What about it?" Hyejoo sticks a tongue out.  
"I heard the killer murders their victim twice a month. That was an observation said by investigators, but they never killed anyone last November. Given that, they could be a Scorpio or a Libra." I say. "It can be me then, and I just never bothered killing someone because it was my birth month."  
"I trust you wouldn't harm me in any way, Chae." She calmly and confidently declares.  
To be real though, that amount of trust makes me feel nervous. With my own deduction, wouldn't it mean it can be Hyejoo too?  
But I think it would be best to avoid that specific information...  
"Then shouldn't you be scared of your sister? She's a Gemini, isn't she?" I asked. "She's close to you, too."  
For a minute, my friend gave me a concerned look. It was hard to decipher Hyejoo's expressions.  
Was it fear? Confusion? Worry?  
Was it for herself or something else?  
Hyejoo eventually shrugs it off. "Sooyoung unnie is scared of me, she can't even boss me around." She says. "And look, most of the killer's victims are teens and young adults. Unnie can barely help my parents lift refills for our water dispenser."  
I nod to Hyejoo's theory. I've never met her sister — if I have, I've definitely forgotten already what she was like. I can't really make assumptions here.  
"And I doubt she can perfectly slash someone's waist off like that… She freaks out at the sight of blood."  
I did remember hearing from the radio the killer's murder technique. They would slash their victim's waist from right to left, allowing guts to spill out from the deep laceration. There are no struggle marks on a victim's body, implying that they might have already been dead the moment their body gets slashed open.  
Other bodies had slashes on other parts of their bodies — on their neck, wrists, underarms, and chests, parts that have pulses and could make a person easily bleed.  
Another thing to note is how their bodies are found far from where they reside. It was possible that the killer was closely related to these victims, so as to know where disposing these bodies would best be done. It was only a theory, though.  
"I personally think the killer is a man." Heejin says. "Victims are found with their whole body exposed, right?"  
"The victim would have to burn their clothes or something… their fingerprint might be found on the victim's clothes and belongings." I pointed out. "And the killer could possibly be into women, so don't be so quick to judge."  
Hyejoo only shakes her head. She then mutters, "Well, I can't trust men. But either gender, we should remain vigilant. It could literally be anyone, close to us or not."  
The three of us unanimously agreed with the sentiment.

\---

It was sad to hear that the recent person killed — the one reported on news channels and papers today — was someone from our class. I wasn't close to her since I barely paid attention to other people in class. Nevertheless, the heavy atmosphere in the room definitely got to me.  
I went home alone despite the threats. I noticed people going home and walking through the streets in groups of two to four people. It was for their own safety, perhaps.  
Unbelievable how lovers — straight couples, to be specific — took this as an opportunity to be all lovey dovey with their significant other, though. Men had their arms draped over their girlfriends' shoulders, all bliss painted on their faces.  
As if they never felt fear in the first place.  
Given the chance I could kill anyone at this given moment, and if people never had the probability to ever have a criminal fiasco, then I'd take down each one of them with no second thoughts.  
I had a hard time deciding if I should eat outside or head home. For sure, my mother already prepared early dinner.  
She had texted me she prepared ingredients for ramen, and that we could add whatever we want into our bowl. I thought it was great since I get to pick out what I want in it, but I'm just not in the mood for it.  
I wanted to have soondaeguk, probably from seeing intestines spilled out from different bodies like I saw from the news.  
Is it weird?  
Surely, any sane person right now who knew about these killings would avoid offal, tripe, or anything that resembles the organs they've seen on some uncensored outlets.  
I wonder… if I were to enter a shop tonight and ordered for soondaeguk, how many of the people around me would find it suspicious?  
Maybe I'll go home instead.

"Oh, thank God you're back!"  
I always get hugged by my mother, and it's not new seeing her be so worried about me. But I've never felt her feel so concerned like this.  
"You can shower first before eating, I can always reheat the broth." She says, leading me inside as if this wasn't my house as well. "I'm so glad you're home now, Jinsol."  
I'm not sure why I feel slightly irritated. I'm used to being babied like this, but…  
Yeah, maybe I'm just hungry.  
"I'll shower after eating." I told her, already going up the stairs. "I'll go downstairs in a while, though. I'll just do something."

**@dalgimochi** : i think the murder weapon used is an axe….no one can saw through someone's body like that with minimal mess made !

 **@sakurasucksass** : Nah, I still think the killer used a saw. I think it's easier to saw through the body.

 **@sakurasucksass** : Also, trying to build momentum in swinging the axe takes energy. The killer would save up energy for destroyinf evidences and dragging the body with them.

 **@dalgimochi** : destroying* :p

 **@sakurasucksass** : tf

 **@redveivets** : girlie ran out of words to say so she came for ur typo queen. dont let it bother ur big brain miss thing

 **@sakurasucksass** : Thanks legend, nice music taste.

 **@redveivets** : yassss period. n if ur a naruto stan, yes sakura sucks ass

 **@dalgimochi** : yall suck ass !

It was amusing to read people share their own thoughts in a local forum thread. They started replying when a known neighborhood girl, Jungeun, posted about her own thoughts.  
Kids and concerned citizens replied with their own ideas as to how the killer possibly did these kills.

 **@j_ungeun** : Personally, from the uncensored crime scene pictures we have, it's possible that the killer used different tools.

 **@j_ungeun** : It would be too alarming if they used the same weapon over and over. Policemen would've easily traced who it was if they used exactly the same method and tools.

 **@dalgimochi** : pack it the fuck up, sherlock!

 **@zouis_styles** : wtf is wrong w this user -> **@dalgimochi** someone ban her from the thread xD let the kids sleep alr. also **@j_ungeun** **#acab** xD

 **@dalgimochi** : boo u whore ! but yes **#acab** !

It's just personally entertaining watching these people debate over things. The killer can easily have access to this public thread and get ideas. They can also have an idea what to do and what not to.  
Discussing issues like this can raise awareness. But I think it can also improve the killer's skill and technique, making it hard to trace and identify them.  
I smiled, knowing what exactly happened. Of course, I should know, because it was _me_.  
I've always camped outside public places. I'll target tall, skinny women with long, straight black hair. Someone who would look like _you_.  
With my innocent face, I can easily lead them somewhere else while I ask them things. Maybe I just give off a vibe that I'm trustworthy.  
Once we reach a place where no one else sees us, I immediately knock them out so they'd be unconscious.  
I'd take out my X-Acto knife to tear some cloth from their clothes, stuff it into their mouths, then duct tape it close. It should be enough to gag the victim.  
I take the rest of their clothes off and tie their limbs with it. Once I feel like they wouldn't be able to move, I start drawing lines on their flesh with my tiny, handy cutting tool.  
The process fascinates me a lot.  
How a person's skin splits apart when they're being cut, the blood flowing through the wounds as if they're excited to be free. Every time I go deeper and deeper, it's as if more and more of the person's self gets exposed to me.  
But as much as I do this to people, I feel like I'd never be satisfied seeing what I wanted to see.  
I wanted to see _Jinsol_ one last time.  
How it looked like when she cut her stomach open, how her organs spilled out naturally, and how her body emptied itself from blood slowly, until there was nothing left of her than a cold, dead body.  
Did she cut herself horizontally? Was it slanted even the slightest? Was her face showing a pained expression? Did she die peacefully?  
Did she ever regret anything she did?  
All I knew was that one morning, I woke up to the sound of my mother crying. I was about to get out of my room to figure out what's happening, but I stopped to pick up a letter slid under my door.  
It was a handwritten letter from Jinsol, telling me her plans. She loved the sight of cutting paper, so she told me how she was going to do it to herself in detail, and all of her words left me picturing what it looked like.  
No one told me where she did it, or if what she wrote me was what she actually did. But the mental picture it left in my mind left an insatiable curiosity.  
Added to that was how after Jinsol's funeral — which my parents never wanted me to attend in the first place — my mother started calling me Jinsol.  
She treated me the way she treated Jinsol, and it was nice because she was my mother's favorite. But along with the perks I had, it brought me tremendous pressure.  
She wanted me to pursue everything Jinsol wanted. She bought me things Jinsol would like, she served me food I never even liked but Jinsol did.  
It's like I'm trying to fulfill a dead girl's life goals. I was living up to a dead girl's potential, ass-kissing a dead girl's believers.  
I never wanted to see my mom get hurt. I don't even know if what she read from Jinsol's letter to her said the same thing it did to mine. But if I don't comply, it would only hurt her even more.  
So I just lived a dead girl's life — lived a life of Hell.  
With that, I wanted to see it. I wanted to see what Jinsol looks like in that set up. So at least with the picture I see, I'm at peace with myself.  
Maybe it would be worthwhile living her life.  
If I knew Jinsol never died, God forbid, I'll make her letter true.  
Who would I then be, if I'm not Jinsol anymore?

\---

**December 09** 2:50 AM

The sound of an ambulance.  
It woke me up, but what kept me awake was the neighborhood's distress.  
From my bedroom window, I could see my mother gossiping among other neighbors. From her face, I could see that she was deeply saddened.  
I sat up to check my phone, wanting to see if anyone else awake knew what happened already.  
It's as if everyone knew already, though.

_**Advertising Student from Idalso University, Jeon Heejin, found dead in the middle of a street.** _   
_Two other women along with the identified person were slain the same way the city's nicknamed mass murderer, "Slick Slasher", would kill their victim._

This isn't me…  
Was it me?  
I don't remember doing that, though. I've been asleep for the past four hours, and I've yet to plan when to kill my two victims for the month.  
I haven't even felt the urge to do it.  
I have a copycat?  
I never noticed how my notifications were blowing up. Text messages from Hyejoo and a bunch of art students, wondering how I feel about the news. Some were asking me if it was true, but of course I don't know.  
Verified sources confirmed these, though. Some of which provided uncensored pictures, and for this certain case, I'm sure it was a bad thing to not censor pictures like this.  
Don't they have an ounce of respect towards the dead? To the victims' family, friends, and loved ones?  
"This is sick." I couldn't even help the feelings I have.  
But whoever did this must have a different motivation.  
None of the victims resemble Jinsol, and one of them was in her early 30s. They also committed murder somewhere open, and I would never do that even if it was for my personal satisfaction.

 **@j_ungeun started a thread** : _Regarding December 9 murders._

 **@j_ungeun** : What do you guys think of this? I think it's totally absurd...

People are starting to comment one by one. I watched as the thread's comment count increased every other minute, each user coming up with their theories and guesses as to who it was.

 **@GardenOfEden** : I just feel like it might've been another art student. The two unidentified bodies were unidentified for a reason. They both had their faces and thumbprints erased off their bodies, with what I assume was an orbital sander.

 **@tetizeos** : good theory **@GardenOfEden**. either the killer was an art student, or someone generally just into arts. they mustve studied it somehow, or theyre in the same school w one of the victims.

 **@dalgimochi** : coming up w the theory that it mustve been someone close to her. an art student, the place where her body was dumped was away from her residence . noy to over analyze but it rlly is so absurd

 **@redveivet** : not*

 **@dalgimochi** : ????? shutbthenfuck up?

 **@wo_nderland** : Thoughts on the mark left by the killer? They drew an S on the sidewalk with blood. Could be because we called them the Slick Slasher? Or could it be because it's their name?

 **@terrance4** : idk but wow she looks cute huh.

I myself wanted to comment something. This was too disrespectful, even for me.

 **@tealstreak** : Can the owner take this down? It's so disrespectful. And take down the uncensored pictures of the dead. Why would you sick fucks spread it around!?

I was about to close the app, when I got notified that someone replied to my reply.

 **@bluesouls** : is it you, then? are you scared you'll be found out if people discuss this more?

My notifications started to explode once more.  
I always dreamt before, back when I wasn't Jinsol, that I could become famous. People would flock to where I am, would want to talk to me, and would spam me anything.  
I never expected that my brief, shining moment would be getting exposed for something I didn't do, but secretly still did.

\---

For my safety, Hyejoo offered to fetch me from home so we could go to school together. She either wanted to save me from the copycat, or she just wanted to keep me company in case people start looking down on me with their accusations. Realistically speaking though, I _could_ protect myself — I think that I'll be the one protecting Hyejoo from anything.  
"I think there's something strange with that person who replied to you." Hyejoo said. "For them to assume so easily like that. What if it was her? I don't know, I feel like there were two culprits."  
I knew it was Hyejoo's attempt in consoling me, but whether it was true or not that user bluesouls did the recent kills, the reply still made me feel guilty.  
I need to find the copycat, though.  
This is definitely driving me crazy. Someone who didn't have the originality… If people assume they did the previous kills and somehow, they get caught…  
I can't let that person take the credit.

"This is weird." Hyejoo says, as she scrolled through her phone. "Sooyoung unnie never texts me at this time of day… And she was never interested in meeting my friends. But she just told me she wanted to meet you?"  
Interesting… She definitely heard about my comment on Jungeun's thread. Maybe she wants to interrogate me, or maybe she wants the clout and tell people she knows me. Maybe getting to know me gives her the capability to testify for me, and whatever she says about me would be credible and talked about.  
Whatever the reason was, I don't see why not. I think meeting up with her would be good right now.

Or not.  
Sooyoung insisted that Hyejoo should stay out of this.  
Have I mentioned I hate confrontations? And that I feel weak if no one has my back at the moment?  
If this senior pushes me too much, I _might_ do something that Hyejoo probably would resent me forever for.  
We met at the school's abandoned building. It used to be the building for Civil Engineering, but it hasn't been used ever since their new building got finished around five years ago.  
She was wearing a gray, oversized hoodie. I doubt she was wearing her college course's blouse, but it doesn't matter. But she was wearing her course's slacks, and she wore closed, black leather shoes.  
Her bag was nowhere, but her pockets were bulky. I'm assuming it's her phone and wallet in them, like any student would have in theirs.  
"Nice to meet you, unnie…" I shyly greeted, but the warmth I tried to share was not reciprocated. I didn't know if I should feel good about this, but right now, she's not like the Sooyoung unnie that Hyejoo mostly tells me about.  
"Alright, let's cut to the chase." She says. She pulls out her wallet from her pocket, and opens it. From it, she retrieves a picture and throws it at me.  
It irritated me. Who is she to me for her to do this to me? I want to hurt her so much til she whimpers from too much pain.  
I think right now isn't the time to get angry. I crouched and picked up the picture from the floor, and examined it.  
It was a picture of two kids in a playground; one of which was Sooyoung, as I assumed, and the other one…  
" _Jinsol_..?"  
She smacks the side of my head. It hurts, and it makes my ear ring. I could feel the side of my head throbbing.  
"That's _you_ , fool! _You're_ Jinsol!"  
What the fuck?   
"I don't know who you really are…" I said, pressing my hand against my head. I tried to fight the pain with more pain, but it isn't dying down. "Stop calling me Jinsol! I'm _Chaewon_!"  
She raises an eyebrow. "Have you ever felt like you're too old for your age?" She kicks my shins, making me yelp from the sudden pain.  
It hurts.  
"Chaewon is _dead_ , you sicko." She said. "Try guessing who killed her."  
I'm still holding on to my head. I never noticed how my hair was starting to get damp. Was it sweat? Was it blood? I don't know.  
"I don't know what the fuck you're saying." I weakly said. " _I'm Chaewon_ , and I don't know what kind of prank you're pulling right now."  
"Chaewon was three years younger than you are." She said. "She's the age my sister is, and you're technically my age."  
" _I'm Chaewon_!"  
She takes out a box cutter and takes a part of my uniform. She balls it into her hands and stuffs it into my mouth.  
It was bigger than I expected, making my jaw hurt.  
I never noticed when she had taken out a roll of duct tape from her pocket, but she was cutting a long piece of it. She slaps it over my mouth, and the way my mouth bumped hard against my teeth surely would make my lip busted — if I even get to take this off.  
She stomped on my stomach, and I felt defenseless. I never knew how painful this was.  
"My best friend Jinsol always appreciated the arts." She says, unbuttoning my shirt. "One time when we were younger, she was cutting pieces of paper for a masterpiece she was working on."  
I tried to push her away, but I was feeling too weak. My strength had no match for how she's doing right now. She can evade my hands and can push me thrice as hard.  
And that, she did.  
She started sliding my blouse off my shoulders. It was supposed to make me feel cold, but the adrenaline I felt made me sweat.  
"Cutting papers with an exacto knife sparked something within her." She kicked my side to make me roll over. I felt her cross my wrist over the other behind my back. "That's when she told me she got curious what cutting skin would look like."  
She tied my hands with my blouse. Is this what all my victims felt?  
"Interestingly enough, she told me one thing. She wanted her last artwork to be her corpse cut open the way she beautifully cut her paper." She continued. I still don't know what she's playing at, but this is all sick… I can't feel anything anymore.  
"She asked me, 'Do you think I should practice it on someone to see if it would look beautiful?'" She went on. She moves away from my upper body, and rolls me over again. She unzipped my pants and took it off me.  
I would've stopped her, but I was feeling too weak to do anything.  
"I didn't know what to say, of course. I even thought you were kidding, saying sick things. But then again, maybe you've _always_ been sick, Jinsol."  
She kicks my legs together and sits down across my feet.  
"Then she asked, 'Do you think I'd have a preview if I tried it first on someone who looked like me?'  
"' _Do you think I should try it on Chaewon_?'"  
She tied my feet together tightly. Too tight, that I felt my blood stop. I feel like no blood could even flow through with how strongly she pulled at the ends of my pants to tie me.  
"And the next day, Chaewon's body was found sprawled on the playground we used to play at together." She says, as if with sorrow. I could only watch her speak.  
I'd be lying if I said my heart wasn't pounding. I feel nervous. I've never felt this scared of anything in my life.  
Or…  
Was it thrill?  
Am I excited to know how this plays out? Do I want to see and witness what happens?  
Do I want to find out what Jinsol looked like in the note I read?  
"For years, you made yourself believe you were Chaewon to cope with whatever your brain made you feel. Trauma? I bet you never even regretted anything, though.  
"You're just a dark, _twisted_ girl, Jinsol."  
I agree.  
And it feels ecstatic now that this sick cycle was coming to a full circle. It's about to end, and it's just how I want to see it.  
Seeing Jinsol cut open, what I've always wanted to see.  
"I can see the way your cheekbones rose, fucker." Sooyoung says. "Enjoying this, sick bitch?"  
I groan, wanting to imply I'm saying yes, but she whacks the side of my head with her phone.  
"I'm going to ask you a yes or no question. Answer by nodding or shaking your head."  
I nod, implying I understood.  
She steps on my thighs, each thigh holding up one foot. She then crouches, making it feel like she was crushing my thighs with her weight.  
"Would you like to be conscious when I finally slice you open?"  
I was about to shake my head no, but she had already taken out her box cutter.  
The first slice didn't feel like anything as it was swift, until she spat on the laceration.  
I'm in pain.  
And I felt my impending death coming close.

\---

_**Slashing Frenzy: Has It Come To An End?** _   
_Two students, both aged 23, found dead inside the campus. One of which was identified as Ha Sooyoung, and the other was an unidentified woman with her face skinned off with an orbital sander._   
_With the traces left, investigators have reached the conclusion that the Slick Slasher was indeed Ha Sooyoung._

It definitely was a ride.  
I watched as the world went crazy. Even in hiding, I had always known how people close to me were doing.  
Maybe it's time to finally come home to really put an end to this cycle. Fulfilling my role as the fourth person on our dining table, helping everyone finish everything.  
Except, it seems like we're going to be lacking one member again.  
_Permanently_.  
I opened the door to find my parents crying over the news.  
When my mother looked up, she bursted with tears.  
"J-Jinsol!"  
I allowed her to strangle me with the tightness of her embrace. I have always missed this.  
I think it's the way our brains trick us.  
It's the way we hear something, see something, and once something believable comes up, we just eat it up.  
The way Jinsol believed she wrote the letter through my bedroom door, under all that stress and trauma she was in after her made-up story. The way Sooyoung believed Jinsol really was the girl she befriended in that playground, when it was really me. The way people believed Jinsol killed the girl I slaughtered when we were a bit younger. It had always been _me._ And Jinsol was only living the life I own.

Not to mention the one who ended Sooyoung was me. And the one who wiped of Jinsol's face with the orbital sander was _me._ This just shows how easily humans believe in everything.

Humans are very flawed.  
I think that's why we all ended up like this.  
But again and again, mom,  
It's me, _Chaewon_.

**Author's Note:**

> Never writing anything like that again. It was an experience, but I'm sure it was a terrible idea. 
> 
> Inspired by multiple gore mangas, as well as other literary works and comics that have the same theme and vibe.
> 
> Let me know your opinions about it!


End file.
